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Tribe?

Whitney Bernas

They say your vibe attracts your tribe, but I'm guessing my vibe kind of.....doesn't exist? I don't have a tribe, anymore. I've learned that mostly the issue is just growing up and outgrowing some people. The other half of the problem is mental health, be it my own or theirs. Mine sucks. Not going to lie about that one. I currently take 6.25 pills a day. yup, I take one stupid pill and cut it into 4ths so it doesn't have a complete sedative effect on me rather than helping me not be such a raging bitch. See, I have BPD- borderline personality disorder. Lots of fun things get wrapped up into this "little" disorder. It's joked to be a basket case disorder and well....it really is. 

I care too much. I don't care at all. I always feel like i'm on the shortest timeline (especially when driving) but can control my breathing during pain or at the dentist (which i absolutely hate). I feel completely and utterly alone, but wish people would quit calling me. I'm important but I am so tired of living each day. I'm so hopeful and proud of my business!!! but i'm convinced i'll become a flop any second now. Damn am I passionate! But god am I tired of the fight. 

I could go on for days, but I think you catch my drift. It's hard being friends with me because some days i'm on top of the world and others, it seems like I complain all day. 

I created this business to help me deal with motherhood. Becoming a mom was something I had always dreamed of. I thought I was born to be a mom! Then it happened. Then I hated it. It felt impossible to think of it as the best thing to ever happen to me. I started trying to find the humor in it. It's the only way I make it through, to be honest. I have so many shop "sisters" that make beautiful tees I would LOVE to have....but just can't bring myself to purchase because they are such a lie for me. I tried to come in with some truth bombs for the women out there struggling like me. You don't have to be a mom to identify with my products either! I suffered long before I became a mom, but my symptoms didn't become unmanageable until motherhood happened. I now have a psych and a therapist....as well as lots of alcohol and meds. I would say I identify as basically a hippie BUT there are things I do that go against everything "my people" (as my husband would say) believe in. I am medicated and don't mind shouting it from the rooftops. No I will not give up sugar and caffeine and carbs and everything happy in this world to try and heal my gut and hope to be cured. I have a family to keep alive and running right now. Maybe one day I will try it, but not now. No I don't want your drinks or oils or wraps or creams or what the heck ever you think might cure me. Just don't.

Shit, now i'm rambling. oops. 

Well anyway, welcome to the blog. This is me. I will share things about mental health, motherhood, shop life, military life and everything in between. Join me, or don't. I just REALLY need an outlet where I can be real. 

 

xo

Whitney


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